This serves as a great way to improve our my work as we strive to improve the quality of my writing. I can learn to see my own faults and areas where I might stand to improve. This can be a great experience and I feel that because of this I have learned techniques that have made me better at writing.
Unfortunately this skill can be a double edged sword as I have become so used to critiquing that it has become almost second nature. This I have discovered is a talent that is not appreciated by the world at large.
Recently a close friend of mine received an opportunity to post articles on a website owned by his roommate and a friend. He seized upon this chance and is producing a series of articles for it, the first of which was posted just recently.
Now while I will say this is a close friend, and someone that I have a great deal of respect for, I discovered that I was displeased by the quality of his work. Previous to his being published on the website, he had talked with me about it and I liked his idea, and did my best to encourage him.
In my initial critique of his work I was unintentionally harsh. I pointed out some things in the piece that I had considered to be major flaws. I did this in a way that was viewed in a strongly negative manner. I did not mean to be hurtful to him, and through by blunt honesty (a trait he usually prides himself on) caused his feelings to be hurt, and for that I am deeply sorry.
The ensuing backlash of my criticism was negative and turned into a small internet disagreement between myself and a mutual friend coming to his defense. Thankfully it didn't progress much further than this, and the incident blew over fairly quickly. Still it left a bad taste in my mouth that I have not yet been able to get rid of (though some D&D and beer did help.
From this situation I have learned two things.
- Always encourage your friend's creative work.
- Never offer unsolicited criticism, not everybody wants my opinion,
I've also learned this lesson in writing and other art forms. Taking criticism is as much a talent or skill to be learned as giving criticism is. Sometimes people just want a person they care for to tell them they did a good job for "going for it", regardless of how technically well they actually did. (I'm open to and welcome your critique on anything you find that I do, howevah!)
ReplyDeleteI'm actually not a proponent of "brutal/blunt honesty" . I can take it and I can give it, but I feel as if it's a last resort. You said blunt honesty yourself, but many times the phrase is synonymous with "brutal" honesty--something else MANY people pride themselves on. But why should be pride ourselves on being blunt or brutal? Should we not seek to be kind and caring? Ninety-nine percent of the time, we can give honest remarks kindly or tactfully while still being precisely clear about what we mean. If they still don't get it, maybe blunt is the only approach, but don't we owe it to people to try an encouraging way first? (Now there's an unsolicited two cents for you! lol)
I think we've all said things that ended up getting interpreted harshly or otherwise different than we intend. It's a punch in the stomach, isn't it? I think you're right in what you've learned from this, and I'm glad it blew over okay for you. :)
Thanks for commenting! I agree completely that encouragement should come first. This is a case of my mouth moving faster than my brain (or I guess in this case my fingers) I have definitely learned my lesson. :)
DeleteI tend towards offering unsolicited opinions as well. One thing that I've tried to do is to make sure I offer no criticism without offering praise for something else. I feel like that might help the other person see that I found something good and I value their work.
ReplyDeleteI also feel that if I can't find anything good in their work, it's probably best to keep my big mouth shut :)
And, I agree with Collette that being able to take criticism is very much a learned skill.
I think that learning to "shut the hell up" will be one of the most important things I will learn this year! :)
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